Many people have told me that their marriage and relationships have changed since Mike's accident.  They now see not to take life for granted and to cherish each and every day with their spouse.  Hearing those words have helped me in coping with his death.  Starting tomorrow, I will be posting on my blog daily, "The Love Dare" 40 day challenge (as featured in the movie "Fireproof").   You can start your challenge on Wed. and continue through Lent. Each day I will give an overview of the "Love Dare" from the book.  I feel led to do this because Mike's death has changed lives and he's not here for me to enrich our marriage, so I pray for each of you and your marriage as we journey through this amazing book.  I know God has great blessings ahead for your marriage. 

You may find info. about the book "The Love Dare" at http://www.lovedarebook.com/.

After loosing a loved one, you look around you and see everyone else going on with their lives.  How can the hustle and bustle of life go on when you are still hurting?  I remember thinking, at some point I have to get back in the swing of things and return  going out to Walmart and the grocery store and seeing people.  I prayed that no one would say anything and "pretend" nothing ever happened.  Something had happened, and that was the truth I had to come to grips with in my head.  Part of my healing has been that this is real and until I face the grocery store conversations with people and heart to heart break downs with my loved ones and everything in between, I am not allowing God to completely heal me like He wants to do.  I had to get back on the merry go round called life, but wasn't sure how to "hop" back on....slow and steady I did.  The ride is completely different now, but it is a good ride.  All because I have chosen to let God drive and I am just along for the ride....
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Matthew 11:28

Valentine's Day...happy?  Well, if I think about the love I was once given by my husband and the love Jesus Christ gives me every day...yes, this day is happy!  Until I meet both of them someday...I will dig out some old Valentine's Day cards Mike had given me and laugh and cry.  My focus for the day will be God's word...
1Corinthians 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love.  But the greatest of these is love.

Have you ever thought about when you leave this earth and your loved ones go through your personal belongings what they may find?  For me it was my husband's wallet.  As soon as I could think and had the time...I went through it.  I knew he had nothing to hide, but the story he carried in it was amazing.  First, he had NO money in it, which was absolutely not a surprise!  He NEVER carried cash, but I did find two receipts for the gas staion near his work.  One was from the day before when he had filled his car with gas, the other was from the very morning of his car accident.  In fact, the time on the receipt was 6:45 a.m. and the 911 call came just 45 minutes later.  He had bought...a coffee and jalapeno chips!  Yep, that's my man!  He enjoyed life right up until the end...
There were several pictures of our family, one of myself, each of the girls at different ages, debit card, you know the usual.  But tucked in a safe place, I found a little pink piece of paper.  I was so anxious to read it and I remember my heart pounding.  When I started to read it, my heart dropped because this piece of paper really told who my husband was.  The paper asked 5 questions...What has God done?  What does the Bible say?  What is God like?  What am I like?  What is stonger than God? 
What may your wallet tell your family about you?

Be still, and know that I am God.  Psalm 46:10

This has been a favorite verse of mine for years, but as I studied and listened to the words over and over, they continued to speak and comfort me more and more.  In all situations of our lives, we need to be still and KNOW that God is God.  God had the opportunity to change things for us that April morning, but He chose not to...April 29th was the day Mike was to meet Jesus.  I have to always remember that, when I am wanting to question why we are where we are today.  God is so much bigger than any tragedy, we may be going through in our lives.  He has always proven that, it's hard to accept those promises when we are in the mist of the valley. 
Last year I attended a 10 week grief class and at that class, pastor had us inhale while thinking, "Be still...and exhaling, while thinking, and know that I am God."  I have done this night after night as I have found it hard to get to sleep after a long day and then going to bed alone.  I can't express how relaxing it is, to think that all I have to do is, "be still"...and God is God.  I always fall fast asleep...hope you will find comfort and rest in knowing God's promise to us...

Everyone has a story.  When the five of us would go somewhere, you could look at us with a child in a wheelchair and know we had a story.  But, to us this was our life and not a "story".  Wheelchairs, walkers, leg braces, medical supplies, and special needs equipment was a way of life for us since we began parenting.  We embraced the "title" from the beginning, knowing God had placed a special little girl in our hands to love, adore, teach, and parent.  We could never love her more with or without spina bifida.  When we were blessed with the younger girls, we had our hands full to say the least.  I would often say to Mike, "We are going to look back someday and wonder how we did it."  The day he died, one thought that kept coming to my mind....I didn't want another "story", we already had a "story"!  These thoughts kept coming and coming, like when the girls graduate and the whispers of, "Remember when...."  I have given all of those thoughts to Jesus, because this is HIS story and not mine.  I didn't write this script, I'm just living it.  Now, I will look back someday and wonder how "I" have raised the girls without him.  I have had more prayers, love, and support than I could ever imagine .  God has written the perfect "story" for us, it just took me a long time to realize it!  Every single one of you reading this has a story.  For some of you, everyone may know your story, but for others... no one knows it.  As we learn to accept our life story and realize because of God's script, we are who we are today....it's the perfect story and we would not change a thing.

As I continue on my journey of being a widow, I have come to realize how important it is to take care of me.  I always have been the caregiver to everyone, that's what moms do, right?  I wouldn't change it for the world and am so blessed to have always been able to be at home with our girls.  But, about six months into being a widow, I thought something HAS to give.  I am dad and mom now and have more and more demands daily.  I was taking no time for me.  I try to "set aside" time everyday for me to enjoy something I like.  Somedays it isn't time at all, it's connecting with a friend, having an extra cup of coffee in the afternoon (I am a one a day cup girl), or honestly complete silence is fine once in a while.  I really and truly believe we all need some time alone everyday to gather our thoughts and prayers and "do" something for ourselves.    ALL of us are run short and life demands way too much from us. Of course we all love our families, but they will benefit as well. As I leave you, ponder this...aren't you worth it?

Today starts the month of love...February.  It's not the same as it used to be for me, but I try to look at it differently now than in the past, as I do with almost every aspect of life.  I praise God and am thankful for the years I did celebrate love being a wife.  But, now I see there is so much more to it...our girls are the outcome and blessings of our love.  I love each and every one of them more and more everyday.  I now realize how short life is and to cherish every moment.  Mike was always showing and telling us how much he loved us and yes, I miss it...but, it will be forever be in our hearts and memories.  Please find time to tell the ones you love just how much you love them, don't think you may have tomorrow.   Our Heavenly Father loves us unconditionally no matter what we may have done or not done.  Remember, only He can fulfill you with the true meaning of love.