Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Twentieth Wedding Anniversary

"A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one."
Eph 5:31

Twenty years ago today was a day filled with butterflies in my stomach, hopes, and dreams of being married for the rest of my life to the one I would be saying "I do" to later that day. There was about a foot of snow on the ground and the temperatures were below zero!  But, the day was perfect in every way.

Twenty years of marriage never happened for us.  We were married over fourteen when our wedding vow, "until death do us part" became reality.

Today I will be celebrating the years we had together...alone, without Mike.  Yes, I am remarried and have Kevin here by my side. However, please hear and understand anniversary is between a husband and a wife.  No one else cares about this special day like the two of you.  An anniversary is not like a birthday, not everyone in your family or your circle of friends is as excited about this special day as you and your spouse.  For this very reason, such a big and special day as today is even harder.  I am thinking about the memories of our wedding day and the fourteen years of marriage we had, while no one else on this earth has any idea about it. 

My sweet husband has been so very supportive this past week.  He knew this day was coming and it may be a hard one for me.  He has sent me the kindest text messages and we have had many talks about the marriage that ended too soon.  This morning before Kevin left for work, he told me that he wished that it was him and I celebrating our twentieth  wedding anniversary today, but then he ended with, "we will have many more anniversaries than twenty." 

It's almost unbelievable for me to think about my life the past twenty years.  I feel like I have lived two lives.  Honestly, I do.  Mike and I grew up together, meeting at the age of 19, marrying, and having three daughters together.  Kevin and I are raising those daughters and are growing old together.  All in different towns with different family and friends surrounding us.

I miss Mike and on our anniversary I think about him, our marriage, and the dreams that ended too soon more than any other day of the year.   I will continue to "live his legacy" for years to come with our daughters.  God was so good to us.  I am blessed to have had Mike as my husband.  Today I will reflect on all of the good times and memories we shared. I have confidence we will spend eternal life together with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Monday, October 26, 2015

"The Answer To All My Prayers"

"The Answer Is You"

"As the Scriptures say, "A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one."  Eph 5:31

Three years ago today, I became a wife again.  My girls and I had been praying for this day to come.  As Kevin put it this morning, it's been the best three years of his life.  Which I couldn't agree more.  You may be thinking, really?  How could she say that and compare the past three years of marriage to her first marriage of fourteen years?  Well, I was just asked this same question at my bible study a few weeks ago.  Kevin and I attended a study by Emerson Eggerichs, "Love and Respect".  The leader asked me if I ever compare Kevin to Mike.  I do, sometimes.  It's all in the difference of how we may solve conflict or raise children.  Neither good or bad either way.  Just different.  I see myself as much more mature in life.  More seasoned.  Not taking life for granted.  Enjoying the small things. It's a different life than I thought I would have, but it's a great life.   It bothers me to talk about our life together to other widows, I have such empathy for the journey they are on.  Such a lonely, hard journey.  However, I remember finding great hope from other widows who had remarried.  So, today...I pray for our story to touch those who need hope like I did and to take the next step.

A few weeks ago, I read a story about a widow remarrying and it really hit home with me.  "I may be remarried, but I'm still a widow. One [marriage] does not cancel out the other. I can be both a wife to a man on this earth whom I love and the widow to a man I fulfilled my vows to - a man I will always love. I [have] loved and lost, grieved and grown, survived and thrived."  To read the rest of the article, you can find it in the Huffington Post by Michelle Steinke.

Kevin and I decided that our wedding would be very small and intimate.  We only had our immediate family with a few close friends there.  Halfway through the ceremony, he surprised me with a song.  A song that he had been preparing for me for our wedding.  He wrote it while he had breaks at work and would jot down lyrics, practicing at night while playing his guitar.  I have the torn up, chicken-scratch paper framed in our bedroom.  He thought it was trash, I thought it was a treasure!  He is very talented and what an amazing shock it was to me that he had written a song for our wedding.  As he started to sing, I was thrilled.  As the song continued, it was such a reflection of our short, yet wonderful life together.  I share this song on my blog today, as many have asked to hear it through the past three years.  It is a treasure to me...and so is he! 

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Happy 85th Birthday, Grandma!


Love, unconditional love. 

These words are precious to me, without them....where would I be? 

Today marks my Grandma's 85th birthday.  She is the woman everyone that knows her adores her.  She is the woman that sacrificed her entire life for me.  She taught me all about honesty, integrity, laughter, hard work, and unconditional love.  I was blessed enough to live with her and my Grandpa from a very young age, when raising a grandchild wasn't as common as it is today.  They did it with such grace and love. 

We laughed a lot through the years as my Grandma has the greatest sense of humor, and we cried some through the years as she felt every sadness that entered my life.  She was always there for me, to talk with, to cry with, to laugh with.  She has shared all the joys of my life and all of the sadness right along with me.  I always knew I could ask her to come into my room and talk, then, once I got married, I could pop down to their house and chat, and even now, living almost an hour away, I know she is a phone call away.  I still need her everyday.  She is a light that never goes out.  She has helped me so incredibly much these past five years, especially since Mike died, all but moving in with the girls and me.  She understood the need and did whatever she could, from folding laundry to babysitting, to staying up late with me to have someone to pour my heart out to. 

I don't know many other people that love and serve others as my Grandma does.  She always has helped others above herself.  She knows no stranger and would give anyone anything, if she had it.  She is a faithful woman not only to her family and friends, but to the Lord.  I grew up in a home where Jesus was spoken of and I was taught His ways.  I am grateful for the teaching I received at such an early age.  We have such a bond, a bond that is a blessing from above. 

I hope and pray that I become more like Grandma everyday.  I want to pour the love into my family like she has done to hers.  My hope is for this love to flow from generation to generation down the line of our family, all because of her.  Grandma is a prayer warrior, praying for all who she knows and loves. 

God blessed me with such an amazing woman in my life and I call her "Grandma".