Monday, October 26, 2015

"The Answer To All My Prayers"

"The Answer Is You"

"As the Scriptures say, "A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one."  Eph 5:31

Three years ago today, I became a wife again.  My girls and I had been praying for this day to come.  As Kevin put it this morning, it's been the best three years of his life.  Which I couldn't agree more.  You may be thinking, really?  How could she say that and compare the past three years of marriage to her first marriage of fourteen years?  Well, I was just asked this same question at my bible study a few weeks ago.  Kevin and I attended a study by Emerson Eggerichs, "Love and Respect".  The leader asked me if I ever compare Kevin to Mike.  I do, sometimes.  It's all in the difference of how we may solve conflict or raise children.  Neither good or bad either way.  Just different.  I see myself as much more mature in life.  More seasoned.  Not taking life for granted.  Enjoying the small things. It's a different life than I thought I would have, but it's a great life.   It bothers me to talk about our life together to other widows, I have such empathy for the journey they are on.  Such a lonely, hard journey.  However, I remember finding great hope from other widows who had remarried.  So, today...I pray for our story to touch those who need hope like I did and to take the next step.

A few weeks ago, I read a story about a widow remarrying and it really hit home with me.  "I may be remarried, but I'm still a widow. One [marriage] does not cancel out the other. I can be both a wife to a man on this earth whom I love and the widow to a man I fulfilled my vows to - a man I will always love. I [have] loved and lost, grieved and grown, survived and thrived."  To read the rest of the article, you can find it in the Huffington Post by Michelle Steinke.

Kevin and I decided that our wedding would be very small and intimate.  We only had our immediate family with a few close friends there.  Halfway through the ceremony, he surprised me with a song.  A song that he had been preparing for me for our wedding.  He wrote it while he had breaks at work and would jot down lyrics, practicing at night while playing his guitar.  I have the torn up, chicken-scratch paper framed in our bedroom.  He thought it was trash, I thought it was a treasure!  He is very talented and what an amazing shock it was to me that he had written a song for our wedding.  As he started to sing, I was thrilled.  As the song continued, it was such a reflection of our short, yet wonderful life together.  I share this song on my blog today, as many have asked to hear it through the past three years.  It is a treasure to me...and so is he! 

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Happy 85th Birthday, Grandma!


Love, unconditional love. 

These words are precious to me, without them....where would I be? 

Today marks my Grandma's 85th birthday.  She is the woman everyone that knows her adores her.  She is the woman that sacrificed her entire life for me.  She taught me all about honesty, integrity, laughter, hard work, and unconditional love.  I was blessed enough to live with her and my Grandpa from a very young age, when raising a grandchild wasn't as common as it is today.  They did it with such grace and love. 

We laughed a lot through the years as my Grandma has the greatest sense of humor, and we cried some through the years as she felt every sadness that entered my life.  She was always there for me, to talk with, to cry with, to laugh with.  She has shared all the joys of my life and all of the sadness right along with me.  I always knew I could ask her to come into my room and talk, then, once I got married, I could pop down to their house and chat, and even now, living almost an hour away, I know she is a phone call away.  I still need her everyday.  She is a light that never goes out.  She has helped me so incredibly much these past five years, especially since Mike died, all but moving in with the girls and me.  She understood the need and did whatever she could, from folding laundry to babysitting, to staying up late with me to have someone to pour my heart out to. 

I don't know many other people that love and serve others as my Grandma does.  She always has helped others above herself.  She knows no stranger and would give anyone anything, if she had it.  She is a faithful woman not only to her family and friends, but to the Lord.  I grew up in a home where Jesus was spoken of and I was taught His ways.  I am grateful for the teaching I received at such an early age.  We have such a bond, a bond that is a blessing from above. 

I hope and pray that I become more like Grandma everyday.  I want to pour the love into my family like she has done to hers.  My hope is for this love to flow from generation to generation down the line of our family, all because of her.  Grandma is a prayer warrior, praying for all who she knows and loves. 

God blessed me with such an amazing woman in my life and I call her "Grandma". 

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

God Has Never Left

                                     Celebrating God's Presence

Five years of my life is gone, done, over... since I last saw my husband.  This is a huge milestone to be celebrating.  Did I just say celebrate?  Yes, I did.  I am celebrating the fact that I have made it this far without him.  Through God's love and grace, I am here...thriving.  I am celebrating his entrance to Heaven as well, the most awesome sight.  As I was left devastated, my dear husband was entering paradise. 

Where has God been in the past five years?

Where was God as I stood at the side of my van on the interstate and screamed after getting the call?  He was holding me in His loving arms.

Where was God as I looked into my three girls' eyes and told them their daddy had died and met Jesus?
He was giving me the strength to say the right words.

Where was God as I buried the man I loved and said "until death do us part" to?
He was there leading me through the burial decisions and comforting me in knowing we had a great marriage and lived with no regrets.

Where was God as I started a journey of single parenting?
He was their Father, and I had to learn to lean on God more throughout the day than ever before.

Where was God as I cried my heart out in the shower at night so the girls wouldn't hear or see me?
He was there catching every tear and speaking words of love to me.

Where was God when all of my friends had a spouse to hold them at night?
He was there, in my loneliness.

Where was God when I knew I wanted to become a wife again?
He sat right beside me as I filled out my online dating profile.

Where was God when I said, "until death do us part" for the second time in my life?
He was right there.

Never will He leave me.
Always by my side.