Still Learning

Still Learning...

There have been several things around the house I have found that only a man can do and do well. I have experienced two of them this past week.

After watering my plants outside the front of our house, I attempted to hang the hose up correctly, but after stepping back and seeing the mess I had created....I tried again and again and FINALLY left it! The front of our house screams "no man lives here"! See, my husband was a "neat freak" and everything had it's place and was close to perfect. No so much anymore! Mike would have had that hose hanging perfect in no time! I realize that women can hang a hose, but sometimes...guys just "get it" and can do it right!

I have only used our grill one other time myself since Mike died and tonight was the second. We had t-bone steaks left in the freezer from buying our quarter beef and I thought, "the girls and I need to treat ourselves"! After two attempts of turning the grill on and finally reading the instructions right in front of me...IT IGNITED! I turned it on low and stood there watching my sweet 4 year old play in the yard. I decided I would pull some weeds while the steaks were cooking...wrong idea! I came back to a HUGE fire! After shutting everything off and the flames finally going out, I started over! Our steaks were delicious and we enjoyed them very much! I had to learn the hard way...stay AT the grill! Lots and lots of woman grill and do an excellent job at it, but at this house, I need more practice!

I took things for granted when Mike was here, but I have learned more and more about being independent and if the hose is crooked and looks ridiculous...let it go...and if the grill is on fire...figure out plan B for supper~

Remember When

Remember When...1993

As I reflect upon every Memorial Day weekend, the year 1993 stands out to me... Mike and I met that weekend!  After talking on the phone for 4 hours on that Sat. night, he came to pick me up on  Sunday evening to go drive around car lots and look for him a new car.  As he walked up the driveway of my grandma and grandpa's house, I looked out the kitchen window with many butterflies in my tummy, and thought to myself, "I'm going to marry him!"  

We were "set up" by a mutual friend and had only talked on the phone the night before we met, so I was extra nervous in "seeing" him, but when we met...the rest is history.  We never looked back~ 

What became of that Memorial Day weekend is history and a memory I will never forget, yet cherish forever.  Nineteen years of laughs, heartache, joy, happiness, frustrations, and blessings all sent from God.  I wouldn't trade any of it for anything, even the worst days of our marriage and parenting.  We learned from it and grasped onto the only One who could get us through.  Each incident grew us closer together as husband and wife as well as our relationship with Christ. I am so proud of fulfilling our wedding vows...until death do us part.

I miss my husband and the life we had, but I also know that this is not it for the girls and I...we are praying for God to fulfill the desires of our hearts and continue to bless us with the life ahead.

Summer Pictures

Make Memories/Take Pictures

I woke up at 2:36 this morning and looked over at the clock, noticing the little red light at the bottom wasn't on...the "alarm set" button was not on.  What came to mind next, OH YEAH...IT'S SUMMER BREAK AND WE DON'T NEED AN ALARM!  Today is the first full day of summer break for my girls.  We plan to make lots of memories this summer, as we do everyday.  We learned over two years ago that each and everyday is a priceless gift from heaven.  

We have always been a family who thought pictures at special occasions were important, now we think everyday is a special occasion.  We have tons and tons of photos through the years and when Mike died, they all became much more precious to us.  The girls will forever have pictures of him holding them as babies, playing with them in the snow, and all of those birthday and Christmas shots!  

Once again, the girls and I are going to have a great summer making memories together.  No one can ever take away memories.  Pictures can get lost or destroyed, but nothing can take memories from you.  We don't have any "major" plans or vacation planned, although, we hope to get away for a little bit at some point after ballgames and horseback riding are done for the season.

I encourage you to take some real time with your family and friends this summer, enjoying the beauty God has created in this season.  Make special memories and take lots of pictures.  Even if you are one who "doesn't like their picture taken"...DO IT!  Your family and friends love you and they want to share these great memories with the next generation for years to come.  

I will be praying everyone has a safe and wonderful fun filled summer, with lots of pictures to show for it~

God's Lead to GriefShare

God Leads, I Trust

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28

The above verse has spoke loudly to me for quite awhile, I knew God would bring blessings out of our storm.  I knew He could and would turn our "mess" into a "message".  I have seen several wonderful blessings come out of such a tragic day.  It's taken a lot of time and healing to completely realize they are truly blessings sent from God.  

Our sermon last Sunday was about when we trust God, He can trust us with something and if we do well with it, He will continue to bless us with more and more and so on.  This really hit home for me.  I have known for several months that God was calling me to facilitate a GriefShare group here in our town.  After a lot of prayer and support, next week GriefShare will be offered to those in need of God's healing touch after the loss of a loved one.  I am honored to be facilitating this group and have a great team on board with me.  I know God has great plans for this ministry.  Please keep all of those in attendance in your prayers.  I feel like this is one of the blessings that God is providing after our tragedy and I will welcome it with an open heart, wide eyes, and listening ears.

Today in my devotional, Jesus Calling (Sarah Young)...Do not resist or run from the difficulties in your life.  The problems are not random mistakes; they are hand-tailored blessings designed for your benefit and growth.  Embrace all the circumstances that I allow in your life, trusting Me to bring good out of them.  View problems as opportunities to rely more fully on Me.

When you start to feel stress, let those feelings alert you to your need for Me.  Thus, your needs become doorways to deep dependence on Me and increasing intimacy between us.  Although self-sufficiency is acclaimed in the world, reliance on Me produces abundant living in My kingdom.  Thank Me for the difficulties in your life, since they provide protection from the idolatry of self-reliance.

(John 15:5, 2 Corin.1:8-9, Eph. 5:20)

Please take some time and browse the website for GriefShare if you or someone you know are grieving a loss.

www.griefshare.org

Relationships (Gma's 82nd bday)

Priceless Relationships

Today our family will be celebrating my grandma's 82nd birthday.  She is an amazing woman.  She is known around town by many as she worked in the public for several years.  Her and my grandpa raised me after my parents divorced at age 5.  I can't tell you how blessed I am to have had the opportunity to be with them all of those years.  They have helped mold me into who I am today.  She is the most loving person and doesn't see wrong in anyone.  (We tease her because she thought O.J. Simpson was innocent all those years!  LOL)  Her life IS being with us and taking care of our needs.  That is what has "kept her going" all of these years.  She loves every minute of it!  

Which makes me reflect upon all of the relationships I have now since Mike died and how some have faded and some have grown.  For the most part, most have grown.  The day he died and for days to come, I saw and heard from people I hadn't for several years.  His death has restored many friendships and for that I am forever grateful.  Some widows mention of how they are "alone" and without the connection of friends, my heart hurts for them.  God has blessed me more than I could have ever imagined with friends and family helping in every dimension.  He always meets my needs, no matter what with someone there to help.  Help of any kind....from physical help to emotional help of listening or giving advice.  I am truly blessed with the relationships I have today.  

These relationships will never replace the relationship Mike and I had as husband and wife, but they are priceless in so many other ways.  I will always remember each and every one of these friendships and the importance of it and how it has touched me and my girls.

My Maker, My Husband

My Maker, My Husband

For your Maker is your husband-

the Lord Almighty is his name-

the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;

he is called the God of all the earth.  Isaiah 54:5

Last week as you know, we had a 4th birthday in our house.  She still had her pacifier (I can't believe I just confessed that on the internet!). When she turned two, Mike mentioned to me that we needed to get rid of it and I agreed because she was already twice as old as the older girls when they got rid of their "paci".  So, we had her down to naps and bedtime with her paci UNTIL his accident and then she had her friend more than ever.  She found such comfort in it, I couldn't take it from her.  With her 4th birthday on it's way, I talked to her about how she was a little girl and not a baby and didn't need it anymore. She decided she would "give" it away to a baby we knew.  She went to her closet, got a dress out to also give the little one along with her paci.  The actual "giving" it away was easy...several nights have been easier than others...and that brings me to this blog post.  Last night...NOT SO EASY!  She cried and cried for her paci at bedtime.  As I struggled to keep her in her bed and in her room as she cried, I kept praying and thinking to myself, "what if Mike were here, what would we be doing different than I am doing right now?"  She finally managed to stay in her bed and after about 10 more minutes of crying she fell asleep.  As I laid in my bed, listening to her cry and beg for her paci, my heart broke for her because I knew how she felt.  It gave her such comfort and now it was gone.  Like my husband did for me...husbands make us feel safe and secure.  

As she was crying, I was crying out to God for comfort and strength to fall upon her like never before and for Him to bless her with the peace only He could offer.  And, that's what He did...she fell asleep, and slept all night.  

I have read the above scripture many times, but thought, "yeah right, how can my Maker be my husband?"...well, I can tell you last night I found out!  I didn't need Mike here with me to calm her down and comfort her, ALL I needed WAS my Maker.  I felt complete guidance and peace.  I know if Mike would have been here, we would have been beside ourselves and had a much longer ordeal because we would have been trying to continue to "do it ourselves", but I didn't have a choice...I turned to God, prayed and He took care of it for me.  I hate that my little one is without her friend in some ways and I hated to go through what we did last night, but on the other hand, I am so grateful for it because I realized Isaiah 54:5 is true~