Pictures Speak 1,000 Words Or No Words At All
Many of you are not going to agree with this post and wonder why I did what I did yesterday, but just stick with me.
The night after Mike's accident, the officer that investigated his accident came to our house to speak to me about how it all happened and to return Mike's wallet and cell phone. (He had to go through his cell to be sure he wasn't using it at the time of the accident, which he wasn't.) He also mentioned that night, over two years ago, that he had taken pictures at the scene for the investigation and that he didn't suggest me looking at them at that time, but they would be on file forever if I ever wanted to see them. I have kept this in the back of my head all along, but never feeling the "need" to see them......until about 2 months ago.
I started to feel a churning inside me of wanting to see the pictures. I have had a picture in my mind, but that's all it was..."my picture" and not the truth. I prayerfully sought the Lord and told Him that if indeed this churning in my heart was from Him, then light it on fire, otherwise, put it out. The desire continued....
I spoke to two of my dear friends about me seeing the pictures, they had went to the car on the day of the accident to clean it out and recover all of our personal belongings. They had different views on it...one friend was still deeply affected by it and my other friend found peace in going and even said, "I felt like it was Mike's ejection seat to heaven." I continued to pray and talked it over with my new blessing from God ( I won't mention his name on my blog, quite yet). He made me promise to him that I would not go unless he was with me. He wanted to be by my side during such a time as this. We talked about the pro's and con's of going and what may or may not come from it. More grieving? More sadness? But, in my head, I wanted a factual picture of the accident, Mike's car, and the semi. I didn't anticipate even crying, I just wanted to SEE the facts of the accident.
I made a phone call to the sheriff's department and left a message for the officer and just a few days later...there I sat looking at the pictures.
Yesterday was the day, at 4:00pm we met so I could see what I needed to see. I sat there with two blessings by my side. ( My dad came with us too.) Before the pictures were viewed, the officer showed me a scale diagram of the accident and all that had occurred that sunshiny April morning, where they hit and how they landed. It was amazing in a way I can't even put to words. The impact was so hard and the debris everywhere was overwhelming. The first picture handed to me was of Mike's car. It was SO much worse than the image in my head. But, reality hit me and said, "Why wouldn't it be this bad?" The semi was not in much better shape. We looked at three packs of pictures filled with all of the details of the accident. I only asked one question about what was on the car in one of the pictures. Otherwise, I sat and embraced it all.
I feel so bad for the EMT's, firemen, and policemen to be called to a scene such as that. The people driving to work and school that morning will never forget what they saw. I pray for all of them to be released of the sight they endured that morning and for God to heal their hearts as He has ours.
I will NEVER regret going and looking at those pictures yesterday. It was so healing and now, I have "the facts" and the correct picture in my mind. I finally got to see Mike's "ejection seat to heaven". And, I know someday...I will see him again, too!
