Where Were You April 29, 2010?

I am writing this on April 28, a day before "the day" that seems to creep up on me all year long.  I always seem to prepare for how I will feel, who I will be with, and how my girls will react to the "date" when I remind them.  Tomorrow, April 29th, marks the 4th anniversary of Mike's death.  The day that changed our lives forever (and may have changed your life), and the day the girls and I like to remember as "The day Daddy met Jesus".  The past few weeks have been a little harder than normal.  When my sweet 9-year-old is missing Daddy "Mac" at bedtime more every night and doesn't know why, I remind her why.  This time of year is such a blessing with God's goodness all around us.  The flowers and trees are blooming, yards are starting to be mowed, the sun is rising earlier and the days are getting longer.  It reminds us all of spring.  To the girls and I spring rings in the memory of Daddy dying.  I have always loved spring, and still do.  It reminds me of new life after a long winter.  So, in a sweet sense, for Mike to die in the spring and have a new life in Heaven with our precious Lord is perfect.

His death has taught us so much about life, ourselves, our relationships with others, and, most importantly, our relationship with the Lord.  He became my husband and our rock.  You all know the blessings God has poured out upon the girls and me, especially the blessing of a new husband and daddy.  So today I want to write about my thoughts and views about Mike's death...the why.

I wish I knew the why of Mike dying at 46 years old, leaving me a widow at 36 years old with a 10, 5, and 2 year old, but if I get caught up in the why, then I am not trusting God.  I am a believer in Jesus Christ, as was Mike, which makes me believe that He was there with Mike in the car the day of the accident.  Jesus didn't leave him for a second.  He didn't not watch over him and BAM...he hit a semi and died!  Jesus NEVER left!  I believe Mike's days were numbered and God knew that on April 29th, 2010, he would be coming home.  I believe that we all have free will, however, and because of free will....Mike died.  Free will has been here on earth from the beginning of time.  Adam and Eve made free will possible here.  He made the choice to drive while too tired.  As a result, he crossed the center line, and on the other side was a semi.  Mike would have never fallen asleep knowing what was about to happen, but "accidents" happen.  He doesn't feel sadness in Heaven thinking, "I wish I hadn't done that and am still on earth."  He is with us and watching us, all the while loving being in Heaven with our Heavenly Father.  Who would ever want to come back?

On that day 4 years ago, even as I thought that I may never be a wife again, and my little girls would be fatherless, I had hope.  Hope in the Lord to take care of us in every way we needed.  And, He has not failed us once!  He sent people in our lives just as we needed them.


As I was in the van today running errands listening to David Jeremiah on Turning Point, he spoke of Romans 8:28, "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them."  He spoke of people who were in the midst of something in their lives right now that they couldn't understand.  We have all been there.  We have to focus on a simple truth:  He is God and I am me.  Don't try to understand God, just let Him love you.  He does appear in forms we have never seen.  He does take us south in order to get us north.  Reminder from God:  We are human and He is divine.  We need love, He is love.  We need to be understood, He is above the need to be understood.  We can not understand, He understands everything perfectly.  We are of time, He is of eternity.  We are of reason,  He is above reason.  We are blown by the wind, He is the wind.  God is in charge, isn't He?  We get all shook up over what is happening, but we only have the human perspective of the situation.  God is in charge, and He sees everything from the beginning to the end, and all at the same time.  A person who comes to comprehend that at last comes to reside in the presence of God's sovereignty.  Those who believe this can say, "Lord, I don't know what you are doing, but I believe You do all things well and I believe in You.  I trust You and while I cannot figure this out, I will rest in Your control until it makes sense, even if it never makes sense."  And, because God is sovereign, I return to Him and Him alone to worship as He deserves.

 Job 38 - Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm. He said:

 “Who is this that obscures my plans
    with words without knowledge?Brace yourself like a man;
    I will question you,
    and you shall answer me.

“Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?
    Tell me, if you understand.

Unlike Job, I never questioned where God was that day.  He was with me and my girls the entire time.  He never left and never will.  But, as God told Job, Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?  I'll probably never fully understand the why.  And I don't need to.