It Strikes Again...
I am 10 days from marrying a man I didn't even know existed. A man I love and adore and a man who loves and adores me!
Today I was referred to as a "step mom"...I knew these words were "who I am". But, they socked me in the gut, to be honest. I always prided our family as having the same last name as all of our children and not having a blended family. I came from divorced parents, I never wanted my kids to have a blended family. But, here we are...a blended family! I am embracing it and loving it as well as it makes me sad to think of "why" we are blended. The last name really means nothing, it's just a name and does not define "who" you are, like I have always thought. As I heard those words today, I was ambushed with grief. It hit me out of no where. I went back to all of the weeks in the hospital with our oldest daughter and Mike and I both were at her side. BOTH parents~
As I discussed this ambush with Kevin, he assured me of his love and felt bad there was no other word to describe "step mom". His hope for our family is to continue to bond as a family and not to label ourselves. He realizes he will never be Mike, but wants to fill that void the girls miss and want in a daddy. His hope for me is to mentor and teach his daughter like a mother would, as a birth mom or as a step mom.
I have come to the conclusion that ambush grief probably always will come from time to time throughout my life. I am blessed to be a wife again and share many years with Kevin and have such an amazing man understand every step of this life...
Wow, Carrie, that is SO GOOD and SO TRUE! I always took "pride" in the fact that my family was not the "norm" and that my girls had both biological parents and that we all shared the same last name. I liked it that way, and never wanted it to change . . . but, alas, God's ways are not our ways, are they? You shared it eloquently and I thank you for that. My new husband refers to his "step" mom as his "bonus" mom and told my girls that is what he'd like to be to them - a "bonus". He has told them that he can NEVER replace their Dad and that the wonderful young ladies they are is directly a reflection on him and his love for them and for Christ! He read your post with me and agreed that you "nailed" it. There is beauty that comes from ashes, yet with it, still some of those ambushes of grief and reality that hit out of nowhere - thank you for sharing so honestly! :)
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