God's Word through Music

There have been a few times in the past two years that I have thought to myself, "I wonder what Mike would think and say to me and the girls IF he could walk through that kitchen door?"  I know he wouldn't be happy about the "junk" drawer not being organized anymore and his poor garage...he wouldn't even recognize it.  It's such a disaster!  LOL  He would be amazed at how his little girls have grown up and are heading to become such Godly girls and love Jesus.  I am posting the song below because when I hear it, I think, "yep, those are the things my hubby would say to me."  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do...

The Words I Would Say - Sidewalk Prophets

Many, many people have asked me, "how I do it"?  I have to be honest and say, I don't do it alone.  God has called me here and it's only with His help I CAN DO THIS~  I pray everyday to glorify Him throughout each moment of my life.  The song below touches me deeply and I hope it does you as well...


Bring the Rain - Mercy Me

2 yrs. Already

2 yrs. Already...

Exactly two years ago right now I was still a wife...for about another hour.  It's amazing how quickly time passes.  I got up that Thursday morning excited to be going on a field trip with fourth graders...life went from excitement to devastation with one phone call.

What is it about "dates"?  For the longest time EVERY 29th of EVERY month, I would think to myself...it's been X amount of months since I have seen Mike, heard his voice, and so on.  Dates are hard to get "past".  I don't think about the 29th coming around every month anymore...only on April 29.  Forever this day will be a special one for us.  

Today marks a huge milestone...our youngest daughter had just turned 2 (6 days before Mike died) and this past week she had a birthday, the big 4!  For me when I look back, she has lived half her life WITH daddy and half her life WITHOUT him.  This is the kind of thing that hurts me...for her not to remember much at all about him.  Of course, we all talk about him, but she has no idea how much she was loved and what she missed.  She never will...love is not a word we can describe to her about how her daddy felt about her.  She hasn't really "known" the relationship between a daddy and his daughter.  

The girls and I will head to the cemetery this morning before church, put out new flowers and place a new angel by the stone.  We won't be mournful today, although we may have a tear now and then.  But, we will be celebrating the day daddy met Jesus and not the "day" we lost him.  Because of God's promise of eternal life, we WILL see him again.  We will be going to the zoo today celebrating daddy's big day.  He loved taking the girls to the zoo.  (I think he liked it better than they did!)  I feel like we have to continue to "live the legacy".  We will have a great day.

I will find myself going back to April 29, 2010, and how that day unfolded and changed our lives forever.  I think it's the "human" in me...but, I will not get caught up in the "poor me" of it all.  I have great support of family and friends who have gotten me through and today will be no different.  I praise God for each and every one of them...

Ecclesiastes 3:4 A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to heal...

God is on the Move

God is Movin'

As this week began, I felt God calling me to fast and give up my "down time" on Facebook. I don't spend hours on Facebook, but my fair share. I love the connection with friends and family of far and near. It's not a waste of time for me, as I see it as a chance to pray for those requesting prayer and so on. But, I knew this week was going to be filled with many blessings. I know God is ALWAYS moving, if I can "see" it or not, I know He is...it's all the "behind the scenes" stuff in my life that He is doing in order to reveal His blessings. Even unanswered prayers, are truly answered in His way...not ours. Besides my daily bible reading, devotional time, and praying, I felt like I needed to be more in tune to the blessings around me.

Tuesday brought an amazing sight to our backyard, one that we have prayed for and been blessed indeed with from God and this community in which we live. The digging began for my daughter's handicap bathroom addition to our house. This will give her much needed independence and all of the correct equipment she is in need of having as she is growing from a little girl to a young lady. When we built our home, 9 yrs. ago, we could "throw" her into the bathtub...not the case today. We are so grateful for our friends and family for making this dream come true~from the donations of money to all of the hard work, we are amazed once again by the love shown to us!

I have been praying for several months for God to "move" me and show me what I was suppose to do with this story He had given me. I have the drive to speak about it, but how was that going to happen? He knew....a few months ago, I was asked to speak at our church at the woman's retreat and "tell" my story and testimony of how God has been there all along...Saturday is the day for God to answer that prayer for me. Praising Him all the way. See, when I thought He wasn't hearing me, He was preparing the ladies in charge of the retreat and lining everything all up for this prayer to be answered. He is movin'...

Sunday will be the 2 yr. mark of daddy meeting Jesus and going to heaven. We will mourn some, but for the most part we will rejoice in the awesome thought of being with him again someday. Time is totally different for these little girls than for myself. I had to realize a long time ago, that they "get over" things a lot sooner and their timeline is a lot different than mine. They love going to the cemetery and seeing daddy's picture on his stone. The little girls take baby wipes out of the van and wipe off the stone and clean it all up when we are there. The funny part is, Mike was a "clean freak" and he would love it that they are keeping it so nice and clean. We will take some new fresh flowers, stay a short bit and be gone. We don't ponder and cry there anymore...it's all in part of the healing. We will be spending our day at the zoo. Mike and the girls loved going to the zoo (mommy, not so much!) so that's where we will be spending our day. In memory of a great daddy who would be loving the Sunday afternoon with his favorite people. I feel I have to show the girls how important it is to celebrate his life and going to heaven and not just the sadness of how we may feel from day to day of not having him here with us.

This is just a glimmer of how God is moving this week in my life. I know He is on the "move" in many more dimensions of my life, but they will soon reveal themselves. So, I will continue to fast from Facebook the next few days and dig a little deeper in prayer and being closer to Him as this week unfolds.

What areas in your life is God moving? What areas do you think He isn't moving? Spend some time in prayer and you will be amazed at what He is doing...some you can "see" and others you can't....

Bittersweet 4th Birthday

Bittersweet 4th Birthday

Like this morning, four years ago today I was up bright and early. I had butterflies in my stomach and was so excited to be heading to the hospital for my third c-section! God had been good to us, He had blessed us with another child...later to find out another girl! She was born at 12:35 p.m. to a very proud mommy and daddy and two sisters at home. Her first birthday was like all other first birthdays, party with cake and presents and lots of fun! The second birthday holds many more memories for me. Mike had worked third shift the night before and when he got home, he thought we ought to take her out for the day for her birthday. The bigger girls were in school, so we had "baby" girl to ourselves that day. We went shopping and out to eat lunch. That night we gave her our presents and ate dinner, but her party was scheduled for the following weekend. But, in between her second birthday and the "following weekend".......daddy met Jesus. The day after Mike died, someone asked me what my plans were for her birthday party and I told them, I wasn't going to take that away from her so we would be having it as planned. We did, but I was in such a fog. The pictures reveal the sadness and shock, they show the rawness of that time. She was having a lot of fun, as all two year olds do at their birthday party. See, the sadness for me today is that she had her daddy here for two birthdays and now she's been without him for two birthdays. Half of her life she has already been without her daddy. Two is such a young age, she only has one major memory of him. All the other memories are those that have been told to her. Mike loved all of his girls SO much. He always said to me, "Mommy, no matter what she will always be your baby girl." Those words are spoken often when talking to her about her daddy. I am sad that he was here for only two years of her life and now already she is without him for two. But, last night after her party we were talking and I reassured her that she would spend many, many, many more birthdays in heaven with daddy than here on earth. And, her response was WHOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO~


Gotta love the excitement of birthdays in heaven in the eyes of a 4 yr. old! Take a minute today and hug your spouse tight and just think of all the birthday parties you have had together with your children...each one is a blessing!

Where to sit in church?

Where to sit in church?

I have always been a faithful person and attending church all my life is what I grew up doing. Mike, the girls, and I had recently (about 6 months before his death) started to attend a different church and were loving it very much. The congregation embraced us from the start. The day of Mike's accident, the pastor was on this way up north for a family vacation and when he got the call, they turned around and headed home, cancelling their trip to be with us. That is the kind of love we were shown weekly! I so much appreciated that gesture of kindness. As the weeks of returning to church after his death became more and more difficult, I wondered what in the world could be wrong with me. My faith was growing by the day, I loved the Lord, I didn't have any anger toward anyone...I was struggling with going to church. I went alone, I took the girls with me, we sat in different places around the church, nothing seemed to help. I was miserable sitting in church listening to the sermons and singing praises, but couldn't figure out why. I would go on Sunday morning to our church and then on Sunday nights with my aunt to her church and there I would feel like "I was being filled". This was what I needed, wanted, and always had had in the past. So, one day when pastor came to visit me, I explained my struggle and how I didn't understand how my faith could be growing and I felt God so close to me, but why was "going to church" so difficult. He had the answer immediately, he explained that when you are in church with your spouse, you are side by side worshiping and praising the Lord....it's a very intimate time in our week. He told me that only 10% of widows stay at their previous church once their husband passes away. This all made such sense to me. I got it! When we are at home, we are room to room and so on, but in church...it is intimate and worship is such a special time. I felt so much better discussing this with him and realizing that I wasn't going "crazy" in not wanting to go to church and wondering as I walked in there where I would sit and "be comfortable"...

My girls and I have since left that church (pastor retired and some other issues lead us to leave). Just two weeks ago, we joined our new church family. It was a great feeling to join "our" church...it was a big step because now that I am the spiritual leader of our home it was up to me. God lead me every step of the way. I can sit anywhere and feel comfortable and know that God has lead us to our new church home for some major growth and healing~

Feelings of Easter

As I anticipate tomorrow being Easter, I find myself struggling with yet, another holiday without my husband.  I have a lump in my throat today, have been feeling very angry, anxious, and until now just realized why.  Weekends are always the hardest for me and the girls to "get through", but holidays are the absolute worst.  Easter was our last holiday with Mike, we had a wonderful day that started out with the opening of the girls' Easter baskets before church and then a great dinner and egg hunt at my mom and step-dad's house.  We have many, many cherished pictures from that day, including some from church...I never take my camera to church, but for some reason I did.  (God knew why...)  The picture on the home page of my blog shows us at church. Mike always enjoyed helping the girls find eggs and then open and see what great treasures were in them.  He was as competitive as the kids!  I think another reason for this being such an especially hard time for me is because of the holiday in itself.  For me to think what Jesus went through before even reaching the cross and then dying on the cross for me so I can and will be with Him and Mike for eternity...I can't say "thank you" enough.  Praising Him everyday of my life isn't enough...I am so thankful, but words aren't enough...I do know that He IS enough for me on this day and all of my "good" days and all of my "bad" days.  I know I will always have worse days and worse holidays than others, but Easter is so amazing and takes my breathe away, like a feeling I have no other time of the year.  If you find yourself missing a loved one today or any day, praise the Lord for his great sacrifice for us so we WILL see them again!  I will pray for God to give us all the comfort tomorrow only He can give...