2 yrs. Already...
Exactly two years ago right now I was still a wife...for about another hour. It's amazing how quickly time passes. I got up that Thursday morning excited to be going on a field trip with fourth graders...life went from excitement to devastation with one phone call.
What is it about "dates"? For the longest time EVERY 29th of EVERY month, I would think to myself...it's been X amount of months since I have seen Mike, heard his voice, and so on. Dates are hard to get "past". I don't think about the 29th coming around every month anymore...only on April 29. Forever this day will be a special one for us.
Today marks a huge milestone...our youngest daughter had just turned 2 (6 days before Mike died) and this past week she had a birthday, the big 4! For me when I look back, she has lived half her life WITH daddy and half her life WITHOUT him. This is the kind of thing that hurts me...for her not to remember much at all about him. Of course, we all talk about him, but she has no idea how much she was loved and what she missed. She never will...love is not a word we can describe to her about how her daddy felt about her. She hasn't really "known" the relationship between a daddy and his daughter.
The girls and I will head to the cemetery this morning before church, put out new flowers and place a new angel by the stone. We won't be mournful today, although we may have a tear now and then. But, we will be celebrating the day daddy met Jesus and not the "day" we lost him. Because of God's promise of eternal life, we WILL see him again. We will be going to the zoo today celebrating daddy's big day. He loved taking the girls to the zoo. (I think he liked it better than they did!) I feel like we have to continue to "live the legacy". We will have a great day.
I will find myself going back to April 29, 2010, and how that day unfolded and changed our lives forever. I think it's the "human" in me...but, I will not get caught up in the "poor me" of it all. I have great support of family and friends who have gotten me through and today will be no different. I praise God for each and every one of them...
Ecclesiastes 3:4 A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to heal...
Somehow I recently found your blog and have poured over every word. Your words are so familiar to me. I love your last paragraph about going back to that day. I know I was haunted by the trauma of that day and kept going back to how the day unfolded. I still do at times. The other day I had a vivid memory of my teeth chattering.
ReplyDeleteI hope you enjoyed the zoo and found comfort from your family.
I am so glad God led you to my blog and you followed. I am sorry that you may find yourself in the suffering of grief, but know that God is our Healer. When we give EVERY part of us to Him, He's there...so every time "the day" comes to you that unfolded, give it ALL to Him. From the visuals of that day to your teeth chattering. One of my best friends owned a coffee/sandwich shop at the time and brought tons of food to eat, I remember sitting at the table attempting to eat a sandwich and after some time passed...the bite was still in my mouth. I could NOT swallow...I could not swallow the fact that my husband was gone and I could not swallow food, either. Strange how these things come back to us? I have just recently turned to Jesus when these things come back to mind...hope you can too. Thanks for connecting...may you find peace and comfort only He can offer.
DeleteThanks, Carrie! I can say that He has brought me through and healed me. It will be 4 years in August since HeeJun passed. I think around the 2 year mark, I really started feeling restoration and believing I would find Joy again! God has been faithful and brought me to a place of indescribable joy!
DeleteAmen, to every word of that~God bless you!
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